Category: Blog

Ass sex. What?

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, editing, Uncategorized, Writing

Content warning: I’m going to discuss, in graphic detail, (cause apparently we REALLY need this) for writers and maybe those wanting to try it, the do and do not of butt sex.

Flat out, this post will have too much information (which doesn’t embarrass me in the slightest, I write erotica/erotic romance, I’ve been a sexuality educator, I love sex when I want to have it (sex-positive ace) and yes, I love butt sex.

I can’t call it butt sex anymore, my face keeps squinching up every time I type it that way.  I’m ditching the PG terminology now.

I’ve talked to my penis-owning partner too, so I’ll do this from both the receiving and giving side of things.

I’m non-binary trans but I unfortunately have female presumed everything, so… some of this stuff is only MY experience cause… like, I regretfully have boobs and a vagina, so, I don’t know any other way.

This post IS mostly for writers, but I’ll add some links (if I can find them) at the bottom for those who want to read more in order to try it.

It’s very common for people who have never done a particular sex act to write that sex act. And I can almost always tell.

I don’t have a huge problem with this; IF THE AUTHOR HAS DONE THEIR DUE DILIGENCE AND DONE THEIR RESEARCH AND HAD A SENSITIVITY/DIVERSITY READER!

I haven’t done EVERYTHING I’ve written about either, (95% of it yeah, but some things I *can’t* do cause I don’t have a penis and it would hurt me to do a full suspension because of my EDS. I’ve done partial suspensions though, so, I have some experience thereof.)

ALL of my M/M scenes are vetted by three, experienced, gay or bi male beta readers. Every single one. They are quite happy to smack me down (they’ve known me since university, trust me, there’s history there) if I goof something up or give me pointers on how to write it better.

And speaking of experience. Ass sex. Yes. I do it, I love it. In fact, a lot of times I prefer it to vaginal sex for so many reasons I’m not going into.

(Okay. Fine, I’ve had two kids via vaginal birth, had to have reconstructive surgery, and I’m trans, I’m not AS fond of vaginal sex for a number of reasons having to do with physical/emotional comfort.)

Yet there persists this way of writing ass sex that IF it were real, would very likely cause damage to both participants. (Basically, no prep, no lube, shove it in, everyone has fun! Right? NO! WRONG! BAD!)

Hey. Rectal tissue is FAR more thin/sensitive than vaginal or oral tissue. You CAN’T just jam a large, not-smooth object up your ass and expect it to feel good. Not without lube or prep. Seriously, it’d be like being fisted by an Orangutan. Or an eggplant. Or whatever.

I take my responsibility as an author of kinky stuff very seriously. I honestly have extremely strong opinions and words for people who write stuff like kink or ass sex in ways that can cause damage. This stuff is NOT a game.

It can be fun as hell, but it’s not something to take lightly.

A LOT of people learn from fiction. For MANY people, the first place they encounter things like ass sex, or kink, or hell, any kind of sex at all, is through fiction.

If you’re writing it? You should (this is one of the few times I use the word SHOULD) have DONE it, RESEARCHED THE HELL out of it, or TALKED TO SOMEONE who DOES do it.

No. Exceptions. Nope. None. And by read about it, I do NOT mean reading other badly written, poorly researched pieces of fiction. I mean doing the actual legwork to find reputable sources.

I personally know several people who have been harmed after their partners read 50 Shades. EL James really ought to pay the massive medical bills of those people. Ya’know, if she had any decency. Which, unless I’m wrong, she doesn’t. I personally hope her millions choke her like the godsdamned fake she is. Oops. Not sorry.

I myself have been ‘surprised’ by an ex-boyfriend who thought ass sex was the same as vaginal sex after reading a story in Penthouse. This is a form of rape, by the way, so don’t do it. Ever.

The Details

  1. Communication. Anal play should never be a surprise. EVER. This goes for in real life and in fiction. You NEED to talk about that shit, and if you’re writing it, you need to be WRITING THE TALKING ABOUT THAT SHIT. (You don’t necessarily need to write out the whole conversation, but you do need to make it clear that there has been communication, and/or that everyone is a willing participant. I’ve read some amazing stuff involving ass sex without on page words about it, and utterly wretched stuff, too. It’s a very fine line. Don’t fuck it up. YOU can be the CAUSE of someone HARMING someone ELSE!) You’re not taking that seriously? I don’t want to know you. I don’t give a good gods damn about your ‘fantasies’. Nope
  2. Lube. Lube is sexy, it’s USUALLY necessary for all kinds of sex. It’s a myth that someone is gonna get wet and stay wet all through coitus (regardless of the orifice).                                Use Lube. If you’re writing ass sex, you NEED to include some form of lube unless, as a mutual of mine joked on social media, you’re a self-lubricating werewolf.                         The anus does not self-lubricate to any great extent. And while, yes, an experienced practitioner of this form of lovemaking can have lube-free sex, I REALLY don’t recommend it. (I’ve done it twice, once by surprise when I was not in control. Once by choice, and I WAS in control. Regardless, I do not recommend it. While sweat, mucus, body oil et cetera can give SOME natural lube, it only works if it’s done slowly and honestly? It’s still not great.
  3. For the writing folks, if you’re trying to write a scene where there’s supposed to be an element of haste and passion and such, it’s possible to make do with a handful of saliva, or precum from the penis, (don’t @ me about that; I’m an editor in real life,  it’s cum for the exudate, come to climax/come for the experience, another thing I’d REALLY like erotica writers to get right, it’s got nothing to do with ‘class’ fuck that shit. LMAO! I can fake class with the best of them, I have ridiculously wealthy (stingy AF relatives) doesn’t mean I see the point to being fake. You know, even, if it’s a m/f pairing, you can get away with writing it with lubing from secretions from the vagina. But there has to be SOMETHING.                    Shoving a dry cock up someone’s unprepared asshole is a damned good way to get massive abrasions, a broken superficial dorsal vein in the penis or even a fully fractured penis. Erm. You can also have a rectal fissure. Yo, real talk, that shit HURTS. I mean, like, to the penis WIELDER and the ASSHOLE RECIEVER. (penis owning partner said so, and I’ve been on the receiving end, so YEOWCH OMFG STAWP ALREADY.)                                                                                                                                                                                                    So, could we, just maybe, stop writing anal sex like penis in vagina sex? I guarantee you they are COMPLETELY different animals.                                                                       
  4. KINDS of lube. Unless you’re fluid bonded and clean *getting tested is sexy*, you should be using condoms. If you’re using condoms, do NOT use an oil-based lube (common ones are butter, oil, etc. use water/silicone with latex based condoms). And I just realized I could do a whole blog post on the different fun kinds of lubes and the various types of condoms. Lolz! Oih. I know a lot about sex. Odd for an ace!    If you’re doing it bareback (meaning no condom) I still recommend a good quality water or silicone based lube. Some people prefer coconut oil, which is a nice slippery substance, and it smells nice,  but I recommend putting a towel down because it stains sheets.
  5. Speaking of towels: Put a dark coloured one down. You can probably skip this part for writing, because we don’t talk about a lot of things in writing that we need to do in real life with regards to kink (maybe we should?) because ass sex can be messy. I actually do include it in mine.                            If you’ve/your MC has moved your/their bowels in the past 3-5 hours, you’re probably safe with regard to poop, but lube itself can be messy and stain sheets. A lot of presumed women figure out they’re an ejaculatory female (um, hint, we ALL ARE) doing ass sex, so… um… yeah. Messy! (OMFG awesome though, if it’s your thing.)                                                The reason a lot of presumed women find out they’re REALLY multiorgasmic with ass sex is that the penis (or toy) can stimulate the dorsal (back) nerve endings of the clitoris through the thinner lining of the rectum. Dude, it’s amazing. Add a vibrator of some sort for the front side of the clit, and the toy or penis at the backside? Stratospheric babe, if it’s your thing.
  6. Baby wipes are your/your MCs friend: For real. Nothing cleans up the area afterward as well as baby wipes. EVEN THEN you/your MC need to go sit on the john, then shower off using soap and water to avoid any inconvenient issues. (Inconvenient issues can be unexpected. IE: the explosive shits (seriously, you’ve possibly just had a cock ejaculating up your ass, it = nice warm enema) or Bacterial Vaginosis, or Urethral infection, go wash, make sure he does too, pee for gods’ sake, that’s what you’re supposed to do! Urine is close to sterile, the temperature of the body makes sure it kills most bacteria!
  7. No switching without switching: By that, I mean that once you/your MC go in the backdoor (anus) you do NOT go back into the vagina without either washing or changing condoms. (Applies to fingers and tongues, too) Like… NO. Same goes for anus to mouth/penis/toy/finger interactions. I should HOPE I don’t need to go into detail as to how these are good ways to get sick.
  8. FOREPLAY. I used caps for a reason. So many erotica/erotic romance writers write scenes w/o a lot of foreplay. I do too, there’s only so many words you can put toward a sex scene in a full-length story. 1-4k is really the sweet spot. And for someone like me, the emotions make the physical happen (I’m demisexual, no emotions means no ANYTHING no matter which buttons you press, so to speak.)                                                                                                                                      But you can spare a sentence or three about lubing up the anus, finger play, rimming (tongue in/around anus) and all the other fun stuff you can do with a clean asshole.                                                                       
  9. Please let me repeat (cause OMFG I’m so sick of reading it) dry cock in unprepped, unlubed asshole is a very OUCH sort of thing. I don’t care HOW hot your characters are for each other. A note from my penis-wielding partner is that guys tend to have a lot more hair at the back door that girls do, it’s like masturbating with steel wool (his words, shared w/explicit permission) and if it’s shaved, without lube it feels a lot like sandpaper (regardless of sex).
  10. Why foreplay? Two words. Anal. Sphincter. Seriously, you’re thinking about doing (or gods’ please, if you’re going to WRITE IT) anal sex? Play with your asshole. Look, you can’t touch your own? YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WRITING IT!! Generally, mammals have a VERY strong muscular contraction around the anus. It keeps the poop inside. It keeps bacteria OUTSIDE. So… frankly… foreplay relaxes the muscles.                                                                                        Realistically, it takes between 10 to 15 minutes of foreplay to relax the anal sphincter enough to allow penetration by anything. So a kiss, a fumble, a flip him/her/them/xem/em over? Yeaaaahnope. It doesn’t work that way in real life, WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT WORK THAT WAY IN FICTION.          Look. When it comes to sex, there IS wiggle room between REAL LIFE and FICTION, but it’s a fine damned line. Get. It. Right. Or don’t fucking write it.
  11. Positioning. It’s not the same for ass sex as it is for vaginal, or frotting, or oral, or a hand job. TAKE IT SLOW. If (as me) you have a vagina, tilt your hips up and open your thighs wide and RELAX. If you’ve never done it, or your MC hasn’t ever done it, have them (or you) on their back. It’s easier as far as bodily tension. You’re standing up? You have more muscular tension than you do laying down. This applies to sex, no matter HOW you’re doing it.                                                             Finding the right spot isn’t a bulls-eye peeps, har har, I amuse myself, really! Porn is ugh, not accurate (I did the whole look away RDJ omfg face at that phrase). Fingers, tongue, cock, toys (done all but the cock cause I don’t have one) it takes some feeling around, to hit the bullseye. Really. Promise. Take your time, use lube. Fireworks, maybe, hopefully?
  12. Porn. Um. I actually like willing, amateur, female gaze porn, a lot. They get so much wrong with regard to real sex (especially anal, but, like, all of it) in most porn though. In specific. Short, jabbing, jackrabbit motions? No. I can only speak for me, and my current partner, lolz, who has been incredibly vocal about this subject today, but… no. His (and my) opinion of that is, ‘Who actually does that?’ and, ‘That hurts BOTH the giver AND the receiver’, and ‘OMFG!! Who the heck does that?’ Soooo.                                                                  Lolz, he also had the (shared with express permission) opinion that “Dude, if you’re gonna be a jackrabbit, at least have the fucking courtesy of giving a reach-around. (For innie or outie), I mean, it’s RIGHT THERE!” Yes. He cracks me up on a very regular basis.                                                           
  13. Also, on the subject of soft-porn, the whole ‘anal ramming’ thing that is so common in porn and (shudders) romance? Yeahhhhhhnope. NOPE. NO! (Winces, ow.)
  14. PATIENCE. You (and your MC) aren’t likely to orgasm the first few times. I mean, awesome if you do (I DID NOT) but it’s a learned skill. We (as human types) are both socially and physically conditioned to think of that as an OUT, not an IN. Be patient with YOU and with YOUR PARTNER. (And seriously, have your MCs be patient too. Doesn’t take a lot.)

I’ve blathered enough, @ me on social media or email w/questions, I’m happy to answer. Or you can explore the following links. But seriously? Internet was really NOT helpful with regard to this subject.

Every time I think I’m not THAT kinky? That maybe I might be vanilla with strawberry chips?

Uh. Yeah. I realize that I’m deep, dark chocolate with nuts, caramel, and marshmallows. OMFG.

Kinky sex is my life.

I do this, and I write it. I have books and stuff. There are rather positive reviews. Review copies available ’til I get my unicorn (writer’s humour, not sorry). I’d recommend going with the Ilavani series if you’re looking for kink. I didn’t hold back in that one.

 

These are okay links. I don’t recommend relying on google-fu for ass-sex info.

 

https://greatist.com/play/anal-sex-facts-safety

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/tips/a6574/buttplay-for-the-wary/ 

 

And, you know… if you learned something, it took me upwards of 6 hours to write this, vet it, proof it and, well, I’m sharing my knowledge and experience, so here are the links.

If you want them.

 

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Demand Avoidance

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, Uncategorized


I want to talk about demand avoidance for a second. A lot of
autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD people experience it.
 
I’m not sure of the psychology of it, or if it can affect others. But basically, if someone demands something, anything, of someone who experiences demand avoidance, even if it’s politely worded, it’s still a demand, and well, we’ll avoid it.

The more someone demands something, the more reluctant we
get to do it. So, say, a parent demands a kid do the dishes. Those dishes aren’t getting done short of abuse.

Demands are funny, and what counts as a demand to one person
with DA and another will be different.

Another PDA autistic person reminded me that a demand can be absolutely anything. It doesn’t have to come from a person. Demands are everywhere in life, and it’s a constant struggle to navigate. Hunger signals can be a demand. I’ve been hungry and unable to eat because my brain perceived the hunger cue as a demand.

It looks like stubbornness or meanness from the outside,
probably. But it really isn’t. It’s a part of many ND neurotypes.

It’s exactly like how an ADHD person can be laying and
scrolling on their phone when they have things to do; it just looks like laziness from the outside, when the reality is that the ADHD person is absolutely screaming at themselves internally to get up and do the thing. They’re frozen, really, and want to do the thing. But they can’t. They are not able to.

Different neurotypes are listed as disabilities in most 1st world countries, because they can absolutely disable us from living an average neurotypical life.

It’s hardly pleasant, I know that one from personal
experience.

It’s hell. And so is demand avoidance. We’d often like to
do the thing, but the more we’re harassed, nagged, or someone demands that a thing be done… the less likely it will be that we will be able to do it.

The same person reminded me of something else. If there’s something I can’t do because of a ‘demand’, I can often do plenty of other things. Which probably makes it seem worse on the outside. Because if I can do those things, why can’t I do ‘demanded’ thing? Well, because someone or something demanded it.

How does it feel internally? I suppose it’s likely different
for all of us. If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person because we’re all so different. I don’t presume to speak for everyone with similar neurotypes. Just to educate a little from my own lived perspective.

The involuntary nature of not being able to do the demanded
thing is similar to ADHD.

To me, it feels like each demand (I use demand loosely, it
can be anything between a polite request to a shouted order) puts another block in place that I have to hurdle or climb over before I can do the thing.

Every block builds the pile of crap I have to parkour or
navigate over or around to get thing done.

It rather sucks TBH. Our lives would be easier if we didn’t
have this neurological thing, too.

If you know about them having it, it’s ablest to demand
something from someone with DA.

The way things are phrased is very important to many with
DA. I have a pretty extreme case, and it’s why my Gram probably called me stubborn as an ornery mule with its feet stuck in cement. It doesn’t really matter how a request is worded for me.

People can ask for thing, and remind me once before the
demand avoidance kicks in. IF they’ve been polite.

If it’s not polite to start with, no way will I be able to
do it.

As you can imagine, this was quite a hurdle for me in
working multi-million dollar sales deals with the US DoD.

Business doesn’t work like that.

(I have direct permission to talk about my kid’s issues),
for my Eldest, if it’s worded as ‘thing needs to be done’ VS. ‘YOU need to do this thing’ it makes it possible for them to do it. Because it’s a statement of thing needing to be done. I’m not demanding anything of them.

That only works with some DA folks. It unfortunately doesn’t
work on me. And it only works with him if I use it the first time. If I ‘demand’ something, then try to say it needs to be done, that won’t work.

So if you have someone you’re dealing with or someone who
you care about with DA, it’s basically as listed on the tin. Demand
Avoidance. We will ‘avoid’ the demand.

Except we’re not doing it on purpose, it’s completely
involuntary. I’ve sometimes, often, actually, gotten physically ill at my inability to do the thing. I want to, but even disregarding anything else in the way (illness, recovery from illness, corrupted files, lost materials, homework we couldn’t do), whatever else we’re dealing with is on top of the very involuntary avoidance of the demand.

Eventually, if enough blocks (demands) pile up, like most
thinking creatures, if we see a wall too high to climb, the thing probably just isn’t getting done until we’re able.

I’ve rambled enough. Maybe just try to understand this point
of neurodivergent difficulty.

Demands = avoidance

Demands can be anything from polite requests to shouted
orders.

It is a neurodivergent disability.

It often, though not always, can be managed, if you know how.

It’s not voluntary, and we really can’t help it.

I’m a badly disabled author/editor with a
family to feed. If this helps you, please consider a tip.

Options to donate are at the bottom of the landing
page on my website.

Any help you can spare is so appreciated, I’m going on
almost a year of mandatory bed rest from a massive pulmonary embolism. If I’d waited another 12 hrs to go to ER, I wouldn’t be here.

It’s been an incredibly difficult, long, slow recovery and I’m not on the other side yet.

I’m lucky I can do anything more than basic self care for myself, right now. And even at that, my family brings me food and helps me get around because I’m so dizzy and weak from the side effects of the bloodthinners keeping me alive.

With love -Kai

Dragon Age Veilguard wrap-up review and final thoughts.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing

So… I wrote that string of reviews (section one starts here) while I was playing the game. I’d write them either before or after logging in for the day, so I wouldn’t forget anything I wanted to mention.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard. Tried to keep them to a minimum, but they’re there.

My thoughts on breaking the media blackout I stayed under while I played Veilguard to completion.

A little about me. I’m an editor by trade. I’m an author and a reviewer. I’m a pretty heavily left leaning, queer as fuck, non-binary person, so I’m not one of the awful reviewers who are causing so many problems from what I’ve heard. No one paid me for a review or to write anything. I’ve played the game to completion and watched the credits all the way through to that awful last scene. These are just my thoughts and my knowledge. And honestly? My broken heart. (Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

I’m just someone who has absolutely loved Dragon Age from the moment I first turned on DAO. Because I’m an editor and a writer… my reviews tend to be more in depth than an average person’s? Maybe? I have a medical background (Forensic Anthropologist) and I legitimately read encyclopedias for fun.

In case you haven’t guessed yet. I’m autistic/ADHD (AuDHD). Dragon Age has been a hyperfocus/special interest of mine for years. I’m absolutely a lore fiend. I probably know more about the lore than many people actually working at BioWare. Especially if Veilguard is anything to judge by.

The problem with Dragon Age Veilguard… well. There’re a lot of problems with it. I think what it really comes down to is poor adhesion to the established lore, a crappy fighting and levelling system, and poor writing. And with Trick Weekes as Lead Writer? I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d have to say that about Veilguard.

I’ve enjoyed Weekes’ writing for a few years now. Two of my favourite Dragon Age books are by them. I really wish I could write a positive review for Veilguard. But I just can’t.

There were some things I liked about it. I liked some of the mechanics. Ziplines and the Elven light puzzles were pretty awesome. I liked how some of the streamlining made the game better. I liked how the logs were a lot easier to walk across than they were in any of the previous games. Some of the characters grew on me despite their poor writing. I liked the map when I was at the Lighthouse. Being able to see when and where a companion wanted to talk to me was great. I liked the wardrobe and how nice and easy it made changing how your gear looked. There were probably a few other things I liked. I tried to be scrupulous in my review series on saying both the positive and the negative. So if you’ve got the time to read that long thing, it’s probably worth it if you’re on the fence about buying and playing it.

And if you had a hand in making that travesty of a CRPG? You really should read it. For professional development, if nothing else.

If you’re Solavellan? I’ll just flat out tell you not to. It’s not worth it. There is no happy ending for Solas and Inky. There’s no intimate scene. Every single thing most Solavellan’s have been hoping for… for ten bloody years? It’s not there. And in fact, they did Solas so dirty. There were memories of him. I wanted memories! I did not want memories of every awful thing he’d ever been forced to do as a rebel leader. They hammered home how awful Solas was with a freaking jackhammer.

As a diehard DA fan and a committed Solavellan? It was an outright painful game to play. It really hurt. And then to see his horrific wolf form (he honestly looks like a Chinese crested dog on a really bad day. I really wish I were joking.) And then to not have anything resembling a happy ending? It’s not worth your time, and it definitely isn’t worth your money. Fanfic writers will have to heal our broken hearts, because Weekes certainly did not.

No. Trick Weekes. That was not even a suggestion of a happy ending. And I will honestly never trust you again after you actually tweeted that to me. You gave me hope. And there was no reason to hope.

So… yeah. I’ll never be able to cover all the bad in Veilguard in a short (ish) review. I’m trying to keep this short!

I’m not good at that. For what it’s worth. XD.

The Lore.

There is so much Lore they had to use for inspiration. Three full games, five books, six comics, at least two coffee table/art books and probably stuff I don’t know about. They had all of that to use as inspiration. What little they did use? Was so twisted it was hardly recognizable. I went into more detail in the longer review series so I won’t here. But they hardly used the amazing amount of Lore at all. They shoved it under the rug of bad writing to make a very unsightly lump to anyone with eyes to see it.

It’s almost like they were so eager to shuffle Solas off so they could move on to writing a new game in a different age that they just… I don’t even know. Treated him poorly doesn’t begin to cover it. Screwed up the story by sidelining a plot-necessary character also doesn’t cover it. Which as both an editor and an author, I really do not understand. You don’t do that with such a plot heavy character. It leaves the consumers unhappy.

After the game play reveal. I honestly didn’t have a lot of hope. I knew Varric’s fate even before that. (It’s not good. In case you’re wondering.) Becoming an editor has absolutely ruined me by making it easy to guess what’s going to happen.

The Writing.

I’ve actually heard and seen the writers saying they were pleased with how the characters came out. Professionally? And as kindly as I possibly can? May I suggest you all learn how to write better? Most of those characters and the plot were just so poorly written. The romances were ridiculous. And I’m a romance author? So I kinda know what I’m talking about? At every juncture, you all chose the most basic, most puerile options. The only surprises for me in that game were how you completely ignored the Lore and how bad the writing was.

I think Veilguard would’ve been perfectly fine as a non-Dragon Age action RPG. And for anyone who loves it for that… I’m truly happy for you.

But that’s not how it was marketed. It had all the right Dragon Age voice actors, character names, location names… but that is not Dragon Age. You’d need to actually use the lore for that. They did not. Or if they used a little? It was heavily retconned and twisted out of recognition. The only thing even remotely close to being like a Dragon Age game were the settings, environments, and scenery. Those were phenomenal and the only thing that held that travesty of a game together. Everything else? Goddess. How do you fail so horribly at something when you have every resource you could possibly need to make it good?

Because it could actually have been good. It could’ve been phenomenal. If they’d actually written that game for Dragon Age fans? You know… us middle-aged or slightly younger/older gamers who’ve lusted for another DA game for years? If they’d paid attention even a little bit to the Lore? If they hadn’t side-lined a plot-important character? If they hadn’t retconned soooo much that I often felt like I had whiplash playing it? If they hadn’t stripped it down to the very bare bones of mediocrity? If they hadn’t basically made it for children? While condescending to them? (Heads up… kids hate being condescended to.)

If they hadn’t nerfed rogues so badly that I don’t know why they bothered to call them rogues at all? You cannot pick locks, hide in shadows, sneak, set or disarm traps, brew potions or bombs… absolutely none of the fun stuff that makes a rogue a rogue is in Veilguard. If you’re a rogue player? Skip it. You’ll just be as disappointed as I am.

Nor can you garden. You can’t make potions or bombs or… anything. You can’t craft anything yourself. You go to someone called The Caretaker at the Lighthouse and use everything you’ve collected by smashing far too many barrels (why… why with the barrels?) for them to upgrade your stuff. You can’t really dress up your companions in funny clothing or armour. They’ve scraped most of the detail out of Veilguard like they were carving a pumpkin and had to get the guts out. The problem is? Those guts are needed for any story. It’s called world building.

Get this. BioWare… BIOWARE removed blood splatter from Veilguard. There’s no toggle I can find that makes it even possible. They truly made this game for kids and not for the middle-aged gamers who… y’know… usually have money to spend on games. Do NOT ask me how that made any kind of sense. Their logo for at least two games was a blood splatter Dragon ffs. And now there’s no blood splatter option in game. I just absolutely cannot understand it.

The fighting system.

Dear gods. The fighting system. So first? They tied how often your companions get skill points to how high their bond is with you. You increase your bond with them by taking them with you (and you can only take two) and doing their quests, etc. But do you know what that means in functionality? If you’re not a tank player? You’re basically cream cheese. I’m not a professional gamer. But gaming is my number one form of entertainment. I play on hard/ultra hard for most games I play. And a lot of them are live-fighting types like DAV was trying to be.

Guess whose rogue had a permanent tattoo of ‘I have aggro please come eat me now’ on their forehead? Mine. I have a very intimate understanding of the inside animations of the dragon’s mouths. If they’re going to keep that crappy leveling system, the least they could do is let us all have the ‘no death’ toggle on every level. Won’t matter to me because I can’t imagine ever playing it again.

I lost 14 hours of my life with the crashing, glitching, and reloading I had to go through to get the damned thing to even run. (And it’s not my computer. It has an ssd. The video drivers are all updated and up to snuff. It’s around a little over midway between necessary and recommended specs. It’s just a shitty game.) It’s a shame I can’t charge BioWare for those lost hours of my life. How could they have possibly thought that this game was ready for release?

If you want to know the rest of the negatives (and a few more positives) the whole review series is where you’ll find them.

But between the actual craptastic showing of Veilguard and that last scene taking all the agency away from every character who ever came before? Oh, and with the bad guys from across the sea wearing something an awful lot like a burqa? You know… the long black robes and veils many Afghani people and other Muslims wear? Nah. I’m done. Finite. I may occasionally enjoy the first three games. But Veilguard does not exist for me. And anything they make going forward doesn’t exist for me. That last scene… WTAF were they thinking? I actually can’t believe out of all the people who must have worked on that game that no one else made that connection about maybe insinuating that people wearing black robes and veils who live on the other side of the sea are evil is maybe a bad thing!?

I just can’t anymore. If you’re looking for a no-brain needed, kid oriented, action RPG (they really did simplify this soooo much for children that it’s absolutely condescending) then you’ll probably be fine with it.

If you love the Lore as much as you love the world? If you play rated M games with romanceable companions for the intimate scenes and the romance? (You’ll be disappointed.) If you have a few thoughts on whether it’s a great idea to remove the agency of all previous characters in the entire series as being bad? If you think maybe it’s a bad idea to insinuate people in burqas are evil? If you play anything other than a tank? Veilguard is not a game for you.

Thoughts on Dragon Age Veilguard after breaking media blackout.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing1 Comment

So, I stayed under media blackout while I played Veilguard, so my review could be as untainted by other’s opinions as possible.

I’m looking at other people’s opinions now.

I feel like we definitely didn’t play the same game.

Honestly feeling like I’ve taken a step sideways into unreality.

People actually liked that travesty?

How?

That’s a legitimate question. How?

Final review and wrap up here.

Dragon Age Veilguard review Thirteen in series.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing

98 steam hours logged, 84 game hours logged on final save, (the listing in the game itself) actual gameplay hours (-2 for time in CC) either 96 or 82… depending.

14 hour discrepancy between game logged hours and steam logged hours is likely how much trouble the game gave me in loading, reloading, glitching, and crashing. Do I get to charge Bioware for those lost hours of my life?

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to skip it if you’ve read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It’s fantastic. I’m also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I’m on media blackout while I play this, so I’m only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though., every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking ‘have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?’ My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard and everything else DA, I’m a Lore fiend.

My pithy pre-end sequence commentary.

Section 12 here.

(Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

END GAME SPOILERS

End game spoilers for BG3 too.

13 is my lucky number, but even that couldn’t save it. I can’t think of a single thing that can save this disaster of a game. I’ll write a more professional wrap-up review post too, this is my reaction portion.

I’ve finished the final sequence of the game. Sat through the credits of probably a thousand people who worked on this piece of shit and still thought it releasable. AND saw the ‘easter egg/future game possibility scene’. My kid said I got a hint of hope back in my eyes for about 10 seconds when that final scene popped up then the light faded again. Apparently the ‘long slow horrified stare of death’ was all over my face again.

Loading in, I dreaded everything I was about to see. Veilguard had already disappointed me in so many ways. I didn’t have any hope the final sequence would be any better.

It wasn’t as bad as I expected. It was worse. Yes. Honestly.

In all fairness (even if I really don’t want to be fair right now) the last sequence does contain some of the best material in the game. If they’d actually written the rest of it with that kind of passion it probably would’ve been a better game. But that doesn’t actually make it good. And how any average person makes it to the final sequence is beyond me. I’m stuck in bed. I’ve got an excuse.

So. I expected it to be long. That part didn’t bother me that much. Most Dragon Age games have long final sequences.

The positive! Ummmm? Oh! I actually did get an intimate scene with Lucanis. His timing stinks but whatever. I did actually get one. I mean, it was one your aunt who’s a nun probably wouldn’t have found racey, but it exists! Dude. It’s 2024, there’s this cool toggle function you can click off if you don’t want nudity. It’s a Mature rated game and I’m pretty sure most of us know what sex is. Give paying customers what they want!

My least favourite character died.

I called it on Solas killing Varric in the first scene. Interesting twist they did with that, though. Albeit not very well handled. Told y’all. I didn’t want it to happen either, but the writing was on the wall in great big letters in drippy red paint from the second they fired Mary Kirby (Varric’s writer.) In case you want more details than snark on that? Varric did indeed die when Solas stabbed him in the beginning. What you see throughout the game is Solas messing with Rook’s mind because Solas needs Rook to work with him. Varric died before the story actually started. That last line of his ‘take care of the team’ told me. But I got taken in by the twist too. Bet that was a Weekes twist. ‘It’s right in front of you the whole time.’ I was suspicious as fuck and something felt off because no one ever talked to Varric but yeah. The twist mostly got me. Wasn’t even close to a surprise that he was dead though.

Elgar’nan made a WAY better final boss fight than Coryphyfish.

I did legitimately love watching Teia and Viago fight as Crows. That was a really awesome section. (They’re two of my favourite characters from Tevinter Nights.)

The bad.

There is no way for me to list it all. So here’s the highlight reel.

Varric died.

They lifted almost the entire final battle sequence from BG3. The tentacle they have to climb to the fancy building in the sky. People falling and almost dying by tumbling down the tentacle, having to fight through said self-destructing fancy building in the sky… I know you can’t copyright an idea. As an author, I understand and approve of that. But you should at least make the idea a wee bit unrecognizable as to where you lifted it from. Y’know?

Yay! We got to see Solas in wolfie form! He looks like a Chinese hairless crested dog x a hyena on a really bad day. Like… really needs to go to the salon and have a bath day. I really wish I were joking.

Called it on the Solavellan ending. And NO. Trick Weekes. That DOES NOT give a suggestion of a Happy Fucking Ending. Read some fucking Romance. GOOD romance. (They do. And I’m being very mature by not calling out one of the authors they read who was one of the ones who harassed me off of Twitter in a hate fest of well over 100k people. Over lies easily provable as lies because I don’t delete posts. Because I believe in accountability. So yeah… an author Trick reads is high up on the list of people who caused that. Oh. No. Two of them I’ve seen Trick mention as books they’ve read were involved in that. I suppose people can’t know everything. And people can like who they like. But I do have to admit that I’m glad I won’t see their names when Trick talks about them anymore.) I honestly wouldn’t call them good romance authors either. I’ve read them both (did I forget to mention they were both mutuals?) and mediocre at best is my judgment. But they seemed to enjoy the books and like talking to those awful people. Can’t account for what people like I guess. Though if Trick modelled the Solavellan ending off those authors’ writing it would explain how awful it was.

What’s that say about me? I don’t like very many people. I get along with people as best as my autistic/AuDHD ass can but I don’t LIKE very many people at all. Nor do people tend to like me. I have no compunction about calling out bullshit. It makes people cranky, but I’ve had enough bullshit in my life. I try not to do it to people’s faces because shit… life is hard enough. As long as it doesn’t personally affect me… I talk on my feeds and channels in general terms about crap I find annoyingly bullshitfuckery-full. Engage at your own risk. I’m actually a very kind person. I just don’t take lies and bullshit and disrespect laying down. It’s possibly unsurprising how much people hate being called on their shit. So I respect about the same amount of people as I like. If I can’t respect you? I can’t like you. (For anyone who does actually know me… I don’t mean you. If I talk with you privately? Or even if I’m willing to? I both like and respect you. Or I wouldn’t bother talking to you privately. I’ve got far better things to do than talk privately to people I don’t like or respect. Like cleaning the washroom with my tongue. I’m shit at reaching out. But if we’ve talked more than once in any form of privacy? You’ve made the extra select list of my cranky ass.)

Am I a bitch? Probably. Live my life and see if you’d be any different. I do my best to be kind.

No intimate scene for Solas and Inky. After ten years of waiting for Solavellans. After all the shitting on Solas we had to put up with in DAV (and OMFG there was soooo much!!) No actual happy ending. No intimate scene. Oh, but you do get a rather grody kiss between them because he’s just been fighting and has blight all over his face. (Which would’ve blighted them both but I’m beyond calling out the shit in some areas.) But yay? They get to kiss? With absolutely no passion at all. Maybe the passion of a bavarian cream pastry? A rotten one? Ew. And Solas doesn’t even look behind him to see if Inky is coming. (Like a decent love interest would to show her he wants her with him and values her. SHOCK!!! Like… what the actual fuck level of 1950s misogynistic crap is that? And then they both dissolve into fade gook. We aren’t getting into the Uwu-ification of Mythal’s Galadriel wanna be ass. FFS. What happened to ‘my vengeance will shake the very heavens’? (Paraphrased.) We so rarely get evil or vengeance arcs for female characters. I… again… didn’t think they’d do that. It was such an integral part of every single game and soooo much Lore. Like… how? I think I’ll be asking that until my dying day.

The entire time I spent in CC for my Inky to make her look like my player character from DAI? It didn’t show up in the final sequence. And no way was I replaying that hellscape to see if it MIGHT could be coaxed into actually showing her the way I made her. I just got the stock body.

So… y’know the veil? That edge of reality that has been getting more and more holes in it throughout the entire history of the Dragon Age Franchise? The veil that the Lore has been pretty clear about it strangling both the magic and the life out of THEDAS? Not to mention everything the elves lost because of it? That veil?

It’s all better now. Regardless of the Lore. Because Solas bound his life force to it. So instead of a quick bandage being pulled off to get rid of the veil that really does need to go (y’know if Bioware writers actually gave a rat’s ass about the fucking lore of the world they’re writing in)… Now it’s there until Solas dies… which he can’t really do easily being one of the first Elves. Sooooo by the very lore of the world they’ve crafted… THEDAS is now doomed to die. And the plot hole on that is probably as big as Canada. There’s an undetermined amount of time after you kill the final Evanuris bound to the veil (Elgar’nan) and when Solas ‘makes the choice’ (Gags) to bind himself to the thing he’s only spent 12 years or so trying to take down because it’s killing the world. No big. The veil wouldn’t have still been there for Solas to tie himself to. The second Elgy went down it would’ve started peeling away. And it likely would’ve been nigh impossible to stop. Anything we’ve ever seen shows the fade rifts opening and closing fast.

Congrats Bioware. Well done. /s

OH but Solas is now the Maker so I guess that works out. (Had to catch those eyeballs from rolling under the dresser there.)

Oh, but THAT doesn’t matter. Because everything from the very beginning of DAO has been ‘influenced’ by ‘the ones from across the sea’.

Pardon me while I gag.

The entirety of THEDAS and everything that’s ever gone wrong with it is the fault of ‘the foreigners from across the sea who wear clothing that’s kiiiinda a lot like a Burqa.’ Y’know… the black over gowns and veils Afghani women and some other Muslim folks wear?

Cause… uh… yeah. That’s a GREAT idea. I legitimately cannot believe they went there. I just… I can’t. Bioware hasn’t ever really been great on the racism front (I will write in another place about the Dalish treatment.) but I’d hoped they’d gotten at least a little bit better.

Nooooope.

There were a couple of mentions of something like ‘the gathering storm’ in Taash’s quests and how she’s a weapon against them. HUGE spoiler I’m sure, but I’m pretty sure they want to make a game that deals with ‘the foreign invaders who have been subtly influencing everything wearing black burqas and veils’ as the next Dragon Age. Or maybe they’ll call it a spin off since it has to be getting close to the end of the actual Dragon Age in the calendar.

I really hope I’m not the only one who can see the issues there. Not that I expect Bioware to. Honestly? I used to pray that DAV would save Bioware. I’ve liked them as a company for a while, but this is it for me. I’m done. I don’t even care about ME5 anymore. Not even if they bring Shep back. I don’t trust Bioware to write games like the first three ME and the first three DA games anymore. I just don’t. I won’t be buying it full price. And if I ever did buy it? It’d have to be in the $5 range. Because I’m pretty certain that’s about all it’ll be worth.

I might enjoy the first three DA games occasionally if I feel like it. But DAV does not exist for me. Anything they make going forward does not exist for me. That fucking bullshit about no one having had any free choices in the entire history of the games/books/comics etc.? AND the next game’s bad guys looking like they wear burqas? And all the elves being DEAD?

Bioware has made my boycott list. And I honestly hope they sink like the fucking Titanic for the shit they’ve pulled in DAV and that last fucking scene.

With that scene, they not only shit on many cultures who veil, they shit specifically on Afghani people who are required to wear that. Whether they want to or not.

They also, from a writing perspective, removed every single bit of agency from any of their previous characters. And making every player choice up til them completely irrelevant. Making every single game pointless in the history of the world.

I’m just done. My boycott list is pretty long. I have these pesky standards. I’d already compromised them by continuing on with playing Bioware games regardless of their well known issues. But nope. Done. Finite. Time to cut the rope and watch it sink.

I would never, in a million years, recommend this game. On those two reasons alone. But also because it doesn’t do anything a good CRPG (Computer Role Playing Game) is supposed to do very well.

It doesn’t hold up the Dragon Age expectations for anyone who has played the games or enjoyed the lore. They basically shoved all the lore under the proverbial carpet. (Must have made a hell of a lump. That’s a LOT of Lore. Trust me. I know. I’ve marinated myself in it.) On the surface it LOOKS like a CRPG. It has the elements of one… but so few of the elements are carried through that it’s kinda shocking to me that they dared to advertise it as one. (Or even an ARPG) I mean… didn’t someone tell them pissing off people by advertising something they aren’t delivering is a bad idea? Because there is so little role playing ability in that game it’s gagworthy. And dopey ass fucking Rook has to be the most boring pathetic DA Player Character in the history of the games. (Considering Inky much as I love her is… uh… bit bland?) Rook takes the cake and smashes it against the wall while standing with their hands on their hips and a ridiculous goofy expression on their face.

It’s full of easily fixable plot holes. Seriously, they’d be so easy to fix! They just didn’t bother.

Where DAI was an intricately woven adult CRPG masterpiece? DAV is a poorly woven bedsheet with arm sized holes in it and lots and lots of stains. Made for kids.

CRPGs have a long history. Bioware and Dragon Age do too. DAO came out in 2009, Dragon Age 2 released in 2011, both were solid CRPGs. You felt like you were playing a role playing game. Bioware then released DAI in 2014. And in the Dragon Age series, DAI is the crown jewel.

It had everything a CRPG is supposed to have. It wasn’t perfect, no, and it doesn’t have to be everyone’s favourite… but it’s definitely the best of all 4 games for being what it’s supposed to be.

CRPGs generally do not challenge the player as far as manual dexterity or physical response time. That’s for action/fighting games. I’m not a professional level gamer. But gaming is my number one hobby and source of entertainment. I play on hard level for most games I play, if not ultra hard. I struggled with the shitty DAV fighting system. Dear gods, who had the brilliant idea of tying accumulation of skill points to how high your bond is with your companions? That’s just… the kindest thing I can say is poorly thought out. Especially when you can only take two of them with you on missions. My not-a-fucking-rogue should never have had aggro. And they always did. I’m intimately acquainted with the inside the mouth animations on the dragons.

RPGs (C or A) are supposed to have intricate, layered world building, a levelling system that makes your characters grow and develop as they progress through a well developed world, often they have fighting, puzzles, and other mechanics to spice things up. But there’s some very specific things an RPG needs. And DAV has so few of them. They focussed so much on that shitty gods damned fighting system that had my not-a-fucking-rogue always plastered with the ‘come eat me’ aggro flag that they failed to deliver on so much else that an RPG needs to have. Especially a C or even and ARPG. I broke my fucking W key because I had to flip out of the way of enemies so much. Bioware owes me 14 hours of my life and $10 for a new key.

I think I heard someone on the dev team say they were quite happy with how the characters and romances came out and um. Well. Might I politely suggest learning how to write better? Cause they weren’t. From both a professional and consumer level? They just weren’t good.

The characters were dishwater boring with no character development possible. The romances were… not. I’ll just leave it there.

(Edit. Shockingly I actually did play it a second time. I needed to know if it was me or the fighting system. Guess I’m prouder of being a good gamer than I thought. Played a warrior and flew through the game like it was mist. AND I played it on hard/ultrahard. The game was made for tank players. Simple as that. People who like to bash barrels (why the barrels??) and thump enemies with a sword or two handed weapon. And I legitimately suck at playing tanks. My partner laughed his ass off when I asked if I was a better tank player than I thought. DAV was so easy as a tank! And like… I played that last run high as a fucking kite (Weed is legal here) so the horrors wouldn’t get me again. There’s no way I’m anywhere near as good of a gamer when I’m high. I tend to run in circles a lot. (Which I did with DAV playthrough 2.) Emmrich’s romance is wonderful. My opinion hasn’t changed to the positive for anything else.)

But realistically… as far as writing goes those are a few things I KNOW I’m good at. Just because my fans have told me often enough that I’ve almost internalized it by now. What? Characterization, writing intimate scenes, and writing romance. My writing voice is very love/hate like many authors. If you love my voice and read kinky romance, you’d probably like it. If you don’t like my voice? No story I tell will satisfy you. But from an editorial and writing standpoint? The characters and romances in DAV needed so much work. As much as the plot.

I’m no stranger to trauma. And yes. I did it to myself. I needed to play the ending for myself and I wanted to see what the game was like. I feel traumatized. Abso-fucking-lutely traumatized.

If you’re Solavellan and looking for reviews to tell you whether it’s worth buying and playing? It. Is. Not. On any level.

Oh and you know those Steam Achievements you get? At the beginning they were like in the high 90s and 80s percentages. The last two I got were from the end game. 2.2% and 6.8%. Respectively. According to my kid (who usually knows more than I do about things like that) that means people stopped playing before they got there. (Or possibly just haven’t gotten there yet. I did play it reasonably fast because of my current circumstances.)

I really wish I could say better things about this game. I wanted to love it as much as I loved the other three. As much as I’ve loved most Dragon Age material. Something about it just captured me. Until DAV.

More professional review to follow at some point.

If my review series has been helpful… and I really really hate to ask, but if it has been? My work of words is my family’s only income. My partner is still recovering from a broken back, and I’m recovering from a pulmonary embolism. Money is so tight it squeaks. If you’re not gonna buy the game anyway after reading my blather, a tip would surely be appreciated.

All my links are at the bottom of my home page.

My response to breaking media blackout.

Final review and wrap up here.

Dragon Age Veilguard Commentary

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing2 Comments

“Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more” -Henry the Fifth by Shakespeare

Review 12 here.

I’m heading into Dragon Age Veilguard to finish the final sequence. I was going to wait until later because I think it’s only likely to be a few hours. And usually… when I’m not recovering from almost dying… I do most of my gaming after the kids are in bed and before I go to sleep.

BUT I just really want to be finished so I can find a different game to chase the bad taste of this one out of my soul. Final reaction review when I finish and formal review as soon as I can write it.

I just… what the fuck were they thinking?

Review 13 here.

Dragon Age Veilguard review Twelve in series.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing2 Comments

96 Hours in, 94 hours playtime..

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump down if you’ve read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It’s fantastic. I’m also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I’m on media blackout while I play this, so I’m only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking ‘have you bozos played any DA game, like, ever?’ My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and other Dragon Age stuff, I’m a Lore fiend.)

Section 11 is here.

(Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

So, the whole Mourn watch section with the half Lich was very well written and put together. Had an interesting (if not difficult) puzzle and a poignant ending. Loved it. (I will point out it was mostly the characters that made me love it. Aaaaand… ooops. Liches don’t exist in Thedas. They’re called era’harel/demon mages in DA. Liches? Yeah. That’s D&D stuff. (Edit: I do love the writing in Em’s Romance (romanced him on my never expected second run.) The rest of his arc could’ve used a little more work.

Did the Treviso sequence where Illario gets his comeuppance. Even though it’s a very stale plot idea, it was well written and executed (har har) and it’s a shame they fired Lucanis’s writer. (Mary Kirby wrote Lucanis.)

They probably should’ve kept her and let her write a lot more than that. The game would’ve been so much better. It might’ve actually approached good.

Instead of something that when my partner saw me loading it up he said ‘wow, you look like you’re about to be tortured’.

Rueful face. So much of this game has felt like torture that having two sections on the same day that were legitimately good to reasonable writing wise is odd.

The ones with Taash in Rivain were fun or sad, depending. But still well written and put together. (Edit: We won’t mention Shathan’s fridging or the fact that if you don’t do Taash’s story quests and they survive? They’d be way better off if you’d never done them. Nor will we mention… here… the WTAF of ‘pick one of two cultures’ thing. Because that ROYALLY pissed my mixed-race ass off. That. Is. Not. How. Being. Mixed. Works. Mixed applies not just to race but also to culture and heritage. What. A. Fuck. Up.)

Still seem to have more to do. Gonna play for a few more hours. It’s rare and nice that it’s actually curiosity I’m feeling while logging in tonight, vs. any of the gamut of yucky emotions this game has treated me to.

Oh! Before I forget and in the name of attempting to provide a fair review, I do really love the light puzzles and ancient elven tech stuff. That’s been a great deal of fun. (They don’t remotely fit Dragon age but… if you completely remove them from the game they’re supposed to be in they’re fun.)

There are good parts to this game, but they just don’t make up for the shit.

…

A. Single. Meaningful. Glance. As an intimate scene? Fucking DAO had better than that! Are they serious? Is there more in the final sequence? Dear gods, if I’d paid for this game I’d be bloody furious. Incandescently, explosively furious.

Let’s talk about consumer expectation. It’s something anyone hoping to sell things has to be aware of.

In its, what, 14 year Dragon Age history? Bioware has set certain expectations with their market share. As I mentioned, DAO, while dated and with poor graphics, actually had something extremely suggestive for the intimate scenes. You had no doubt what the characters were doing. Same went for DA2. Not much actual nudity, but again, no bloody question about what was going on. In DAI, some was sweet, some was saucy, but it was even more clear what was happening.

So the expectation for a behind door scene that you got to see has been set. If there had always been fade to black meaningful stares for the intimate scenes, fine, whatever. But that has not been Bioware’s history. And it certainly isn’t their gaming market’s expectation.

Expectation isn’t as important in a standalone game. There’s no weight of expectation like there is in series work. Unfortunately for everyone who bought this game, the expectation of so many years and so much material has been firmly set. And a long, searching, intense look doesn’t cut it. Are all the Romances like that? I don’t have the stomach to replay it that many times to find out.

I still have to finish the final sequence. So it’s possible my utter disappointment will be fixed, but given the way Bioware has structured its games in the past, the Romance parts were finished before the final sequence.

My level of disappointment with this game has been high all along, but this is indeed the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

Hah! And to think I’d actually hoped for an intimate scene between Solas and Inky! (Hysterical, breathless, cackling. OMFG.)

The problem with market expectation? And not meeting it? Is that you utterly lose the confidence and trust of the people who buy your stuff. And that means they’re less likely to buy your stuff again. I certainly won’t ever buy anything Bioware makes again. I’m out. I’ll enjoy the previous games, but if I’m right about my predictions? Veilguard doesn’t exist as part of my universe. I’ll pretend it wasn’t ever made. Unless I decide to write a long fix-it fic. Because OMFG.

If, as an author, I shifted from rather explicit, panties-melting intimate scenes to closed door fade to black… I would be betraying my reader’s expectations and losing their trust.

If this is it for the intimate scenes? Oh man. Bioware, you fucked up.

Edit: Shockingly did end up playing it twice. We do get the intimate scene. It’s both mostly clothed and at the worst possible fucking time in Rook’s life but at least we got it?? And Emmrich’s Romance is AAA+++.

Pre-play pithy commentary

If you want to skip the snarky paragraph ^?

13th review here.

Dragon Age Veilguard review Eleven in series.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing1 Comment

84 hours in, 82 actual playtime.

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to skip down if you’ve read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It’s fantastic. I’m also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I’m on media blackout while I play this, so I’m only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking ‘have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?’ My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and everything else Dragon Age, I’m a Lore fiend).

Part 10.3 here.

(Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

Wow. Talk about plot hole city in Cyrian’s fate. Oh… no… the dying brother is conscious enough to talk (which means swallow). Rook is standing there with 3 healing potions left over and there’s at least three green jars scattered about the room. Eyebrow raise of doom.

It would’ve been far more poignant, and, y’know, would actually have made a lick of sense if no one had any potions left and there weren’t any in the room. Rook has been really close to dead, and those potions brought him back to fighting ability. No, I don’t expect writers to know what the sets will look like. But at some point, someone, probably multiple someone’s saw that and decided it wasn’t worth fixing. I can even think of a single line that would’ve fixed it. Just. One.

Like… did any thought go into this game? At. All? It really doesn’t feel like it.

Goddess, that scene just feels so unintelligent and thoughtless. And not because of the writing. If it had been blocked out properly to support the script, it would’ve been fine! (We use the term ‘blocking it out’ in writing and acting, not sure if it’s the same for games.) It could have been sooooo good! But. Welp. Bioware apparently has no idea how to hire writers and editors and playtesters for quality control. Y’know, if I even thought they gave a shit about quality, because after playing most of this game? I highly doubt it.

I believe everyone can learn how to write. I don’t think you need to have advanced degrees or anything silly like that to do it. But there is quite a bit of science behind writing well. No one is good at it from the start. And no… not everyone can just turn their hands to writing and be good at it. That’s just not how the science of writing works. You need to dedicate the time and effort to learning how to write well. Reading a lot helps. Same goes with editing. And I know at least one (more than) of the writers played this before release. They talked about it on their socials. So either they didn’t notice that massive fucking plot hole, or they just didn’t care enough to fix it.

I don’t know how else to put it. If someone had hired me to edit this? I would’ve sent sooooo much of it back to the writers with fix-it notes. (I even give suggestions on HOW to fix stuff in fix-it notes.)

I’m just gonna call the Solavellan ending now. It’s so fucking obvious it’s sad. The world will be saved (somehow leaving the veil up? Still not sure how that’s gonna work given stuff they’ve said in this game). And then Inky will either join Solas in his prison because that’s twue wuv. OR Solas will sacrifice his mortal form because he never wanted one anyway and Inky will poof turn into a spirit and go with him. And we probably won’t get the intimate scene. (Edit: Damn. I’m good.)

And NO that does NOT count as a happy ending! Or even the suggestion of a happy ending! That’s them either going to prison or dying! A happy ending would be them living quietly until Inky’s natural time, with her gardening and him painting. Or working in secret to help fix some shit, or insert absolutely anything other than what I’m pretty sure will happen. Only when Inky naturally passes would a happy ending be going poof into spirit land. What if she’d wanted a family? What if he had? Uuuuuugh. What if they wanted to enjoy life before becoming spirits? Hang with their friends? Let Solas deliver some overdue apologies? Sigh.

Well. I suppose I’m not just guessing. It wouldn’t surprise me if I have more than a little savantism when it comes to writing, editing, and prediction.

And when I’m not recovering from almost dying, editing media is my actual job. One I’m pretty good at.

I dunno. Whenever I look at a piece of media, it’s like it forms a 4d puzzle in my head. I can see the problems and where the story is likely to go. I actually read encyclopedias for fun (yes, I’m totally serious).

I also may have been dubbed a walking encyclopedia a time or million. So not only can I see the issues? I can usually figure out several ways to fix them. Very little surprises me in fiction. Making the ones that do incredibly rare and precious to me. It should go without saying that absolutely nothing in this game has surprised me except how bad it is.

But that 4d puzzle thing my brain does with fiction makes it far too easy to guess things. Especially when the writers and devs, at every turn, decided to pick the most banal, most uninspired choices available.

If that’s what happens with the Solavellan ending, I’m never trusting Weekes again. They were Lead writer. They had to have had some control. Not just because we likely won’t get the only two things Solavellans have wanted for what is it now… 10 years? But that they claim to love their character, Solas. And this entire gods damned game has been doing absolutely nothing but shitting on him. It’s honestly been difficult to play as a person who deeply identifies with Solas’s neurodivergent traits and his story. And who romanced him.

I’m solidly in a relationship with Lucanis and he’s made me dessert. Don’t get me wrong, a guy who can cook AND who makes me dessert? A+! But I don’t play rated M games with romanceable characters for dessert scenes. I’m starting to wonder if there’s even any kissing in this game. There’s probably only a day or two at most left for me before I finish it. (And thank everything holy that this is probably true. This is painful at this point. But I need to see the ending for myself.)

Y’know? With all of the betrayals this game has dished out to a die hard Solavellan DA fan? I think no intimate scenes would be the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

My kids have started being able to tell when I’m playing without looking at my screen by what they term the ‘thousand yard stare of horror’. Honestly? They’ve probably nailed my expression. How can this be so awful?

Oh and yes, Isseya was ooooooh so eeeeevil. (Insinuating mental illness as evil? Yeah, that’s rank ableism. It’s not even remotely okay, and both whoever wrote that sequence and whoever approved it should absolutely be ashamed of themselves. Perhaps if they’d actually found and hired some diversity editors along with some better developmenal and copy editors, like I told Epler he needed, someone would’ve caught that.) Though I have no idea why I’d hoped for better from Bioware. They have absolutely awful ableism issues and always have. Psst. Bioware. It’s 2024, might want to fix that.

If you’ve read Last Flight, the Isseya sequence is such a disrespectful, awful story arc. Even beyond the shitty ableism against mentally ill people. 3% of violent crime (pretty sure we can call that sequence ‘violent crime’) is committed by mentally ill people. All you neurotypicals need to own the other 97%. And a much better villain was still likely kicking around the deep roads. It hasn’t been that long since the 5th Blight.

A much better story would’ve been stopping the Architect. Permanently. They basically just took his motivation and plans, tacked them (in a very badly fitting suit) to a character that didn’t deserve that dirty treatment.

I’m honestly not sure if I can even find words for how fucking disappointing this game is.

I do have to say that other than a few teensy details, the sequence of Taash’s rescue efforts for their mom was well written. Pacing was a little off, and the bad guy at the end not having a separate battle was a little anticlimactic, but it’s absolutely one of the best written sequences in the game.

And my biggest disappointment for that sequence was that both Taash and my Rook are Lords of Fortune. I know it was all emotional, but why did they both run into one of the most basic trap set-ups in existence? Aren’t Lords of Fortune supposed to be sorta, y’know, good at both detecting and avoiding traps? (We ARE NOT GETTING INTO HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM FRIDGING SHATHAN!!!!)

I forgot to say earlier that Isabela is basically the only previously shown character who actually looks sort of like herself.

Oh, and I was pleased with Bellara talking about figuring out what to keep from the past and what’s better about the present. I’d have really liked more than a few sentences on what is truly a massive area they could’ve explored, but at least they did mention it.

Haven’t seen a thing about generational trauma and abuse, though. Nor about what’s happening with all those elves and agents Fen’harel had who joined his fight to free the elves in modern THEDAS. Did the writers forget about that part too? Or just decide the closing scenes of DAI weren’t important? It wouldn’t matter if this were a stand alone game. It might even be a decent, albeit poorly designed, standalone fighting game.

But a Dragon Age game cannot be a standalone. There’s far too much history and Lore and previous decisions that need to be considered when you’re making series material.

I honestly don’t know how much I have left. I keep thinking I’m almost done, and more quests pop up. I’ve got the final sequence at the top, then maybe 6 others? Two are treasure hunts I’m not sure if I’m going to bother to finish.

And still. The best part of this game? Is still the sets, scenery, backgrounds, and environments. I can’t find a single thing I’d change about any of it. (Edit: I found things on my second run because the horror of the first had passed. How many reused art assets did we need to use? Exactly?)

The rest? Eeeeenh.

Section 12 here.

Dragon Age Veilguard review Ten point three in series.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing1 Comment

74 hours in, 72 playtime

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump down if you’ve read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It’s fantastic. I’m also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I’m on media blackout while I play this, so I’m only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking ‘have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?’ My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard and all other Dragon Age Media. (I’m a lore fiend.)

Section 10.2 here.

(Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

So. I didn’t want to play tonight, didn’t really have the energy. But I legitimately fear if I don’t play for even one day, I’ll drop it and not come back. I have ADHD, its a strong possibility, and I still want to see what happens in the story for myself.

I hereby announce that I am, in fact, Eating Crow. Game Lucanis is way better written and developed than in his intro story.

And Lucanis did let Emmerich help, after all. Plot hole taken care of.

That’s it? That’s all we get about The Titans? After all the previous foreshadowing, we get a single companion quest to find out and resolve (completely unrealistically) the entire issue of The Titans? Are you seriously kidding me?

I need a stronger word than flabbergasted.

Discombobulated. I’m discombobulated at the sheer level of mishandling so many incredibly important aspects have been treated to in this game.

Yes, it’s nice to get confirmation about my guess to the history of Titans and Elvhenan… but are you seriously fucking kidding me?

Lucanis talks about coffee more than we get something as important as the Titans settled.

Anywaaaay.

Called it on the identity of the Gloom Howler. And the ‘reason’ for Isseya to be doing the exact opposite is ‘she’s been driven mad by 400 years of guilt for following orders’? Edit, it’s been pointed out she’s suffered the blight for 400 years, too. The blight, in the Lore, basically makes creatures start digging out dragon/arch demons. Because all they can hear is ‘the song’. There have been speaking hurlocks working for the benefit of the unblighted. There’s the Architect, who keeps showing up and is sane. If directly opposed to anything mortals would want. There’s no support in the Lore for blight making someone mentally ill. I truly just feel it’s bad writing.

That is so over the top ableist I’m not sure if I can describe it in small enough words why we shouldn’t say grief and guilt makes us fucking mentally ill in a dangerous fashion! There isn’t a mental illness that I’m aware of that includes a person completely reversing deeply held, sacred beliefs so they do the exact opposite of what they’ve previously sacrificed so much for.

Crazy and mad both mean mentally ill. That’s why calling Isseya mad or crazy is ableist. Isseya would protect those griffins, She’d very possibly steal them to protect them from the wardens. I could see where, out of fear, she’d decide that the Wardens weren’t worthy of the griffins after all.

What I cannot see is her sticking a knife into the skeletal remains of a 400 year old arch demon dragon and actually finding liquid blood. That’s some foolish jurassic park nonsense. Thinking maybe she got it from the blood marrow? That’s dried and almost dusty within a century. Or turned to a rocky like consistency. I don’t care how magical the creature those bones came from was, that’s just not happening. It’s ridiculous.

What I cannot see is her then using that to infect the griffins she fought so hard to save from that very fate.

Last Fall wasn’t my favourite of the books. But both the writer and the character Isseya deserve fucking better than what the end of her story will likely be. I can think of two ways that dumpster fire could be satisfactorily fixed, but I have zero trust in the Bioware writers anymore, so I highly doubt they’re going either direction.

And outright stating that too much emotion makes us dangerously mentally ill… I’ve always said Bioware had ableism problems. I’ve said they need to hire diversity editors.

I’m utterly appalled that they thought that whole storyline was even remotely okay on any level.

So. Do I have this right?

The Evanuris did lots of bad things. One of the worst was severing the Titans and the dwarves from their dreams.

The Evanuris bound themselves to high dragons, blighting them, and they did this for more power.

The blight is somehow The Titans’ or dwarves or both severed dreams? If that’s the case, the blight should now be receding or cured because the Titans have been ‘fixed’. In a completely unrealistic and ridiculous manner that does a disservice to the whole damned Titan Evanuris war, but hey. I’m used to bad, nonsensical writing. Especially in this game.

Solas made the veil to imprison the Evanuris? Bad side effects. Which, in the Lore, include the death of magic in THEDAS and the eventual death of the realm itself. But we’re apparently conveniently brushing that under the rug of bad writing to drive through a story that makes no sense.

He tied the veil, their prison, into their life essences.

So the theory they seem to be going with is that by killing the arch-demon dragon, the Evanuris will become mortal.

They were mortal before they bound dragons to themselves for more power. Mythal was mortal. She was murdered. (Oopsie, even bound to her dragon.) But the Evanuris, the first elves, didn’t age and were eternal. They could be killed, sure, but just regular living, even inside a prison, wouldn’t have killed them. So why exactly would all the other Evanuris be dead? Just killing their dragons wouldn’t have killed them. If they were somehow dead… Wouldn’t that have thinned the precious veil that they’ve spent three games, numerous books etc. stating was thin and as full of holes as my grandmothers crocheted doilies?

Somehow, the veil is completely all better now and holding back a world of blight that never existed in the fade except maybe in the black city? We’ve been to the fade several times in this game and seen no blight.

How exactly is the blight the corrupted dreams of dwarves or Titans? Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Does that mean that Genlocks (blighted dwarves) dream?

And the veil is what separates the world and magic/dreams/world of spirits?

If the so precious veil is tied to the life energy of the Evanuris… and the veil was created to contain them… what exactly is going to happen to said veil when those Evanuris die?

Either I’ve figured out the end of the story, or found plot holes the size of Texas if they try to say that veil is still in place once Gilly and Eggy are dead. (Why again are there only two Evanuris left? Have we gotten an answer to that? That makes any sense?)

They’ve made the answers to everything too pat and yet so convoluted they’re tripping over things they’ve said are fact in this very game.

I just… how? Why? What the actual fuck? How is the writing in this so reprehensibly bad?

I can write better stories in my sleep FFS. And have. One of my published novellas was a dream before I wrote it down. And at least everything makes sense in it.

Section 11 here.

Dragon Age Veilguard review Ten point two in series.

On By KaelenRhyIn Blog, Culture, editing, Game Reviews, Reviews, Uncategorized, Writing2 Comments

No actual review. That’ll come later.

Section 10.1 here.

So. I don’t really have the energy to play tonight after risking my life getting groceries. I just want to settle down into bed with tea.

But I’m going to load in anyway.

Why? I’m legitimately afraid I’ll never go back into it again if I don’t play tonight.

Section 10.3, the actual review of today’s play, here.