84 hours in, 82 actual playtime.

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to skip down if you’ve read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It’s fantastic. I’m also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I’m on media blackout while I play this, so I’m only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking ‘have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?’ My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard (and everything else Dragon Age, I’m a Lore fiend).

Part 10.3 here.

(Note that these reviews aren’t edited. They’re just my off the cuff writing. I don’t have the time, energy or heart to edit them properly.)

Wow. Talk about plot hole city in Cyrian’s fate. Oh… no… the dying brother is conscious enough to talk (which means swallow). Rook is standing there with 3 healing potions left over and there’s at least three green jars scattered about the room. Eyebrow raise of doom.

It would’ve been far more poignant, and, y’know, would actually have made a lick of sense if no one had any potions left and there weren’t any in the room. Rook has been really close to dead, and those potions brought him back to fighting ability. No, I don’t expect writers to know what the sets will look like. But at some point, someone, probably multiple someone’s saw that and decided it wasn’t worth fixing. I can even think of a single line that would’ve fixed it. Just. One.

Like… did any thought go into this game? At. All? It really doesn’t feel like it.

Goddess, that scene just feels so unintelligent and thoughtless. And not because of the writing. If it had been blocked out properly to support the script, it would’ve been fine! (We use the term ‘blocking it out’ in writing and acting, not sure if it’s the same for games.) It could have been sooooo good! But. Welp. Bioware apparently has no idea how to hire writers and editors and playtesters for quality control. Y’know, if I even thought they gave a shit about quality, because after playing most of this game? I highly doubt it.

I believe everyone can learn how to write. I don’t think you need to have advanced degrees or anything silly like that to do it. But there is quite a bit of science behind writing well. No one is good at it from the start. And no… not everyone can just turn their hands to writing and be good at it. That’s just not how the science of writing works. You need to dedicate the time and effort to learning how to write well. Reading a lot helps. Same goes with editing. And I know at least one (more than) of the writers played this before release. They talked about it on their socials. So either they didn’t notice that massive fucking plot hole, or they just didn’t care enough to fix it.

I don’t know how else to put it. If someone had hired me to edit this? I would’ve sent sooooo much of it back to the writers with fix-it notes. (I even give suggestions on HOW to fix stuff in fix-it notes.)

I’m just gonna call the Solavellan ending now. It’s so fucking obvious it’s sad. The world will be saved (somehow leaving the veil up? Still not sure how that’s gonna work given stuff they’ve said in this game). And then Inky will either join Solas in his prison because that’s twue wuv. OR Solas will sacrifice his mortal form because he never wanted one anyway and Inky will poof turn into a spirit and go with him. And we probably won’t get the intimate scene. (Edit: Damn. I’m good.)

And NO that does NOT count as a happy ending! Or even the suggestion of a happy ending! That’s them either going to prison or dying! A happy ending would be them living quietly until Inky’s natural time, with her gardening and him painting. Or working in secret to help fix some shit, or insert absolutely anything other than what I’m pretty sure will happen. Only when Inky naturally passes would a happy ending be going poof into spirit land. What if she’d wanted a family? What if he had? Uuuuuugh. What if they wanted to enjoy life before becoming spirits? Hang with their friends? Let Solas deliver some overdue apologies? Sigh.

Well. I suppose I’m not just guessing. It wouldn’t surprise me if I have more than a little savantism when it comes to writing, editing, and prediction.

And when I’m not recovering from almost dying, editing media is my actual job. One I’m pretty good at.

I dunno. Whenever I look at a piece of media, it’s like it forms a 4d puzzle in my head. I can see the problems and where the story is likely to go. I actually read encyclopedias for fun (yes, I’m totally serious).

I also may have been dubbed a walking encyclopedia a time or million. So not only can I see the issues? I can usually figure out several ways to fix them. Very little surprises me in fiction. Making the ones that do incredibly rare and precious to me. It should go without saying that absolutely nothing in this game has surprised me except how bad it is.

But that 4d puzzle thing my brain does with fiction makes it far too easy to guess things. Especially when the writers and devs, at every turn, decided to pick the most banal, most uninspired choices available.

If that’s what happens with the Solavellan ending, I’m never trusting Weekes again. They were Lead writer. They had to have had some control. Not just because we likely won’t get the only two things Solavellans have wanted for what is it now… 10 years? But that they claim to love their character, Solas. And this entire gods damned game has been doing absolutely nothing but shitting on him. It’s honestly been difficult to play as a person who deeply identifies with Solas’s neurodivergent traits and his story. And who romanced him.

I’m solidly in a relationship with Lucanis and he’s made me dessert. Don’t get me wrong, a guy who can cook AND who makes me dessert? A+! But I don’t play rated M games with romanceable characters for dessert scenes. I’m starting to wonder if there’s even any kissing in this game. There’s probably only a day or two at most left for me before I finish it. (And thank everything holy that this is probably true. This is painful at this point. But I need to see the ending for myself.)

Y’know? With all of the betrayals this game has dished out to a die hard Solavellan DA fan? I think no intimate scenes would be the shit cherry on top of the shit sundae of this game.

My kids have started being able to tell when I’m playing without looking at my screen by what they term the ‘thousand yard stare of horror’. Honestly? They’ve probably nailed my expression. How can this be so awful?

Oh and yes, Isseya was ooooooh so eeeeevil. (Insinuating mental illness as evil? Yeah, that’s rank ableism. It’s not even remotely okay, and both whoever wrote that sequence and whoever approved it should absolutely be ashamed of themselves. Perhaps if they’d actually found and hired some diversity editors along with some better developmenal and copy editors, like I told Epler he needed, someone would’ve caught that.) Though I have no idea why I’d hoped for better from Bioware. They have absolutely awful ableism issues and always have. Psst. Bioware. It’s 2024, might want to fix that.

If you’ve read Last Flight, the Isseya sequence is such a disrespectful, awful story arc. Even beyond the shitty ableism against mentally ill people. 3% of violent crime (pretty sure we can call that sequence ‘violent crime’) is committed by mentally ill people. All you neurotypicals need to own the other 97%. And a much better villain was still likely kicking around the deep roads. It hasn’t been that long since the 5th Blight.

A much better story would’ve been stopping the Architect. Permanently. They basically just took his motivation and plans, tacked them (in a very badly fitting suit) to a character that didn’t deserve that dirty treatment.

I’m honestly not sure if I can even find words for how fucking disappointing this game is.

I do have to say that other than a few teensy details, the sequence of Taash’s rescue efforts for their mom was well written. Pacing was a little off, and the bad guy at the end not having a separate battle was a little anticlimactic, but it’s absolutely one of the best written sequences in the game.

And my biggest disappointment for that sequence was that both Taash and my Rook are Lords of Fortune. I know it was all emotional, but why did they both run into one of the most basic trap set-ups in existence? Aren’t Lords of Fortune supposed to be sorta, y’know, good at both detecting and avoiding traps? (We ARE NOT GETTING INTO HOW I FEEL ABOUT THEM FRIDGING SHATHAN!!!!)

I forgot to say earlier that Isabela is basically the only previously shown character who actually looks sort of like herself.

Oh, and I was pleased with Bellara talking about figuring out what to keep from the past and what’s better about the present. I’d have really liked more than a few sentences on what is truly a massive area they could’ve explored, but at least they did mention it.

Haven’t seen a thing about generational trauma and abuse, though. Nor about what’s happening with all those elves and agents Fen’harel had who joined his fight to free the elves in modern THEDAS. Did the writers forget about that part too? Or just decide the closing scenes of DAI weren’t important? It wouldn’t matter if this were a stand alone game. It might even be a decent, albeit poorly designed, standalone fighting game.

But a Dragon Age game cannot be a standalone. There’s far too much history and Lore and previous decisions that need to be considered when you’re making series material.

I honestly don’t know how much I have left. I keep thinking I’m almost done, and more quests pop up. I’ve got the final sequence at the top, then maybe 6 others? Two are treasure hunts I’m not sure if I’m going to bother to finish.

And still. The best part of this game? Is still the sets, scenery, backgrounds, and environments. I can’t find a single thing I’d change about any of it. (Edit: I found things on my second run because the horror of the first had passed. How many reused art assets did we need to use? Exactly?)

The rest? Eeeeenh.

Section 12 here.