I’m trying to find what normal means to me now. People who helped trump get into office, either by voting for him directly, not voting at all or by voting third party (demonstrating an almost criminal lack of understanding of the system in the states), they don’t get it.

They really don’t.

Not a single person I’ve spoken to (and I’ve been talking, a lot) gets it.

They give me excuses such as I voted my conscious.

I voted for the economy.

I voted for anti-establishment.

There are SO many excuses. So many.

And here I sit. (In a different country I remind you, though I am expat American). I’m still terrified.

Not in the way I was that night, watching the states votes come in. I’ve been through a lot in my life (feel free to look through the blog, I’ve talked about a lot of it.)

I’ve rarely felt terror like that. The only time that came close was when one of my kids ran away from me in a crowded amusement park and I couldn’t find them for ten minutes. All turned out well in that case (thank all I hold holy) but I just can’t see how it will be an ‘all’s well that ends well’ situation here.

Anyone who helped that man get into office, no matter their role, I can’t trust them anymore.

That goes for friends, it goes for family, it goes for casual acquaintances.

I’ve always been a person who enjoys political diversity as much as I do other forms. I may not have always agreed with the stances of the other side (technically I’d probably be a libertarian, though I vote the issues, not any particular party.) So now, I’m struggling with finding my new normal.

I know how I’ll be fighting. My writing, obviously, is going to remain inclusive to every form of diversity I can manage to include with sensitivity. My big surprise for January is even more needed now than it was before (and we needed it before). I’ll pick causes I feel passionate about to raise funds and awareness for… I’ve always been involved in politics, so there’s not much more I can do there.

I still can’t trust so many people I was close to. They didn’t protect me when it mattered.

How can I find a new normal with any of them after that?