No Words

So many of us were terrified of exactly what has happened.

Trump in office. Hillary won the popular vote, but she still lost.

Our families, our government, they chose not to protect us.

All day I’ve been seeing news reports and the words by friends of attacks and grief. Blood and tears from the marginalized. So many of my friends asking… what was so important to you that you’ve completely denied my right to safety? So many families shattered by the realization that… no, they don’t care enough for us to protect us.

People like me. People even MORE marginalized than me.

This wasn’t about money, or the economy, though I suppose that’s what they’ll tell themselves.

This proved exactly how intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist and ignorant of world affairs too many americans actually are.

I’ve seen so many people saying something along the lines of, ‘well, I don’t agree with you but bygones be bygones.’

I’m sorry, no. It’s not about someone simply not agreeing. Bush was about people not agreeing. I didn’t like him as president, and he fucked up a lot. He still wasn’t… this.

Trump is a tragedy.

All through his campaign he made it quite clear that he hates people like me. People darker than me, people who are disabled, mentally or physically ill, those on the LGBTTQQIAA2sP spectrum.

He hates me.

Those who voted for him hate me too.

There is no forgiveness in me for the proof that so many people, almost half of those who voted, hate me so much that they would vote a monster like him into office.

I’ve never been more grateful that I moved away from the country of my birth.

I wish I could offer my couch and floor space to everyone of my compatriots in the fight for equality. My house isn’t that big.

My heart is though. Tomorrow, I will pick myself up and continue my fight. I’ll continue to write my diverse, inclusive stories. Even in the face of my own fear of censure by the very people who should be supportive of writers trying to get it right. Tomorrow, I’ll continue my advocacy and my fight for equality.

Tonight. Tonight I’m still wiping away my tears and looking at my reason for living. My children… and wondering how I’ll explain this to them when they get old enough to understand.

We’ve lost a battle. A big one. We haven’t yet lost the war.